Today's Lesson

Librarian 9-5, M-F. Significantly stranger person all other times.

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IMG_6372 on Flickr.Started with the middle three, then branched out, as usual.
This week could show a great creative burst, but it may require me to take a step back and contemplate on my own a bit. Indicated by the Hierophant, Empress, and 8 of Cups. Possibly also by the Page of Pentacles, but that could go other ways too.
Going out and having fun is nice, but it means my creative stuff is all still asleep, and then I may just get all sad and nostalgic for whatever ‘old days’ I’m being reminded of in that moment. Or, maybe socializing is the cure for any emotional ruts I get stuck in. Once some fun has gotten me out of the rut, I can get back to my creative pursuits?

IMG_6372 on Flickr.

Started with the middle three, then branched out, as usual.

This week could show a great creative burst, but it may require me to take a step back and contemplate on my own a bit. Indicated by the Hierophant, Empress, and 8 of Cups. Possibly also by the Page of Pentacles, but that could go other ways too.

Going out and having fun is nice, but it means my creative stuff is all still asleep, and then I may just get all sad and nostalgic for whatever ‘old days’ I’m being reminded of in that moment. Or, maybe socializing is the cure for any emotional ruts I get stuck in. Once some fun has gotten me out of the rut, I can get back to my creative pursuits?

1 note

IMG_6352 on Flickr.Started with the center row of three, then looked for roots, and then upper branches.
Obv this week is about continuing cycles, but also choosing whether to look at the positive or negative aspects of those cycles. Given that downtimes are this week, I suspect Ima get hit with more gaming related paranoia, b/c I can’t believe things could stay this pleasant. 
Its hard not to focus on the bad things that I got hit with, b/c the human brain is naturally dumb. And I may want to run and hide, and ‘conserve my energy’ by not taking any risks. But I could also choose to focus on the better memories, and if not recreate them in present day (also kinda dumb) at least stay open to the possibility of good times happening again. 
Furthermore, I’m not the same person I was back then, and the person I am now will respond to good/bad events differently now. Try to focus on the opportunity for new things, rather than assume I’m doomed to repeat the past forever.

IMG_6352 on Flickr.

Started with the center row of three, then looked for roots, and then upper branches.

Obv this week is about continuing cycles, but also choosing whether to look at the positive or negative aspects of those cycles. Given that downtimes are this week, I suspect Ima get hit with more gaming related paranoia, b/c I can’t believe things could stay this pleasant.

Its hard not to focus on the bad things that I got hit with, b/c the human brain is naturally dumb. And I may want to run and hide, and ‘conserve my energy’ by not taking any risks. But I could also choose to focus on the better memories, and if not recreate them in present day (also kinda dumb) at least stay open to the possibility of good times happening again.

Furthermore, I’m not the same person I was back then, and the person I am now will respond to good/bad events differently now. Try to focus on the opportunity for new things, rather than assume I’m doomed to repeat the past forever.

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As women, when we’re children we’re taught to enter the world with big hearts. Blooming hearts. Hearts bigger than our damn fists. We are taught to forgive - constantly - as opposed to what young boys are taught: Revenge, to get ‘even.’ Our empathy is constantly made appeals to, often demanded for. If we refuse to show kindness, we are reprimanded. We are not good women if we do not crush our bones to make more space for the world, if we do not spread our entire skin over rocks for others to tread on, if we do not kill ourselves in every meaning of the word in the process of making it cozy for everyone else. It is the heat generated by the burning of our bodies with which the world keeps warm. We are taught to sacrifice so much for so little. This is the general principle all over the world.

By the time we are young women, we are tired. Most of us are drained. Some of us enter a lock of silence because of that lethargy. Some of us lash out. When I think of that big, blooming heart we once had, it looks shriveled and worn out now. When I was teaching, I had a young student named Mariam. She was only 11 years old. Some boy pushed her around in class, called her names, broke her spirit for the day. We were sitting under a chestnut tree on a field trip and she asked me if a boy ever hurt me. I told her many did and I destroyed them one by one. I think that’s the first time she ever heard the word ‘destroyed.’ We rarely teach our girls to fight back for the right reasons.

Take up more space as a woman. Take up more time. Take your time. You are taught to hide, censor, move about without messing up decorum for a man’s comfort. Whether it’s said or not, you’re taught balance. Forget that. Displease. Disappoint. Destroy. Be loud, be righteous, be messy. Mess up and it’s fine – you are learning to unlearn. Do not see yourself like glass. Like you could get dirty and clean. You are flesh. You are not constant. You change. Society teaches women to maintain balance and that robs us of our volatility. Our mercurial hearts. Calm and chaos. Love only when needed; preserve otherwise.

Do not be a moth near the light; be the light itself. Do not let a man’s ocean-big ego swallow you up. Know what you want. Ask yourself first. Decide your own pace. Decide your own path. Be cruel when needed. Be gentle only when needed. Collapse and then re-construct. When someone says you are being obscene, say yes I am. When they say you are being wrong, say yes I am. When they say you are being selfish, say yes I am. Why shouldn’t I be? How do you expect a woman to stand on her two feet if you keep striking her at the ankles.

There are multiple lessons we must teach our young girls so that they render themselves their own pillars instead of keeping male approval as the focal point of their lives. It is so important to state your feelings of inconvenience as a woman. We are instructed to tailor ourselves and our discomfort - constantly told that we are ‘whining’ and ‘nagging’ and ‘complaining too much.’ That kind of silence is horribly violent, that kind of insistence upon uniformly nodding in agreement to your own despair, and smiling emptily so no man is ever uncomfortable around us. Male-entitlement dictates a woman’s silence. If we could see the mimetic model of the erasure of a woman’s voice, it would be an incredibly bloody sight.

On a breezy July night, my mother and I were sleeping under the open sky. Before dozing off, I told her that I think there is a special place in heaven where all wounded women bury their broken hearts and their hearts grow into trees that only give fruit to the good and poison to the bad. She smiled and said Ameen. Then she closed her eyes.

A Woman of War by Mehreen Kasana (via pbnpineapples)

this is so empowering! beautiful 

(via dirtyflowerchild)

(via seananmcguire)

Filed under feminism equality quote

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Started larping again, so needed some gear. And started sewing all-the-things. The hoodie doesn’t photograph well, sadly, but its got a nice big cowl-ey hood. The other garments are becoming a kind of capsule-wardrobe for another character.

Filed under sewing crafts costume larp gaming

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IMG_6340 on Flickr.Started with middle row of three and worked my way out. Looking at roots and further stuff. This weekend had some bad emotional upsets, mostly while trying to get to sleep last night, b/c I guess my brain didn’t want me to have a nice weekend :-P. But being in a pit of despair last nite and this morning may lead to more insights this coming week. 
Insights, judgements, new directions, ideas, and opportunities. Leading to more insights. More active stuff to help me keep my even geeky cool again. B/c leaving me idle leads to brain-based self abuse. Thanx brain :-P But hopefully I’ve gotten that out of my system and its behind me now.

IMG_6340 on Flickr.

Started with middle row of three and worked my way out. Looking at roots and further stuff. This weekend had some bad emotional upsets, mostly while trying to get to sleep last night, b/c I guess my brain didn’t want me to have a nice weekend :-P. But being in a pit of despair last nite and this morning may lead to more insights this coming week.

Insights, judgements, new directions, ideas, and opportunities. Leading to more insights. More active stuff to help me keep my even geeky cool again. B/c leaving me idle leads to brain-based self abuse. Thanx brain :-P But hopefully I’ve gotten that out of my system and its behind me now.

1 note

IMG_6320 on Flickr.So pretty good week ahead, with a bit of heartbreak or drama, but it looks like the sort that will help wake me up further out of bad decisions and brain habits, and start over again. Possible some “star storms” http://runesoup.com/2011/02/3-steps-to-star-storm-proof-your-life/ going on. Or just a lot of social gatherings. The kind that take me from King to Priestess? So possibly me helping others, maybe by reclaiming my party-tarot skillz, which is what I’m hoping to work on with this week’s gatherings.

IMG_6320 on Flickr.

So pretty good week ahead, with a bit of heartbreak or drama, but it looks like the sort that will help wake me up further out of bad decisions and brain habits, and start over again. Possible some “star storms” http://runesoup.com/2011/02/3-steps-to-star-storm-proof-your-life/ going on. Or just a lot of social gatherings. The kind that take me from King to Priestess? So possibly me helping others, maybe by reclaiming my party-tarot skillz, which is what I’m hoping to work on with this week’s gatherings.

Filed under tarot shadowscapes

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IMG_6304 on Flickr.So, that’s interesting. Full moon in my ascendant this weekend, figured I’d see if I could nudge my intuition a bit further.
Started with the middle three cards, then added the Queen of Cups, Page of Cups, HP, Star, and Tower. This looks like a week for reflection on the recent (page) and distant (tower) past. But from more recent events I can finally get my inner alchemy jump started again. Leading to my change and evolution from Awesome to Even More Awesome. Two Cups usually has romantic leanings (for normal ppl), but given the surrounding cards, and how I can’t really see that fitting in with the art-jumpstart, probably not here. But an inner alchemical marriage will suit me just fine :-)

IMG_6304 on Flickr.

So, that’s interesting. Full moon in my ascendant this weekend, figured I’d see if I could nudge my intuition a bit further.

Started with the middle three cards, then added the Queen of Cups, Page of Cups, HP, Star, and Tower. This looks like a week for reflection on the recent (page) and distant (tower) past. But from more recent events I can finally get my inner alchemy jump started again. Leading to my change and evolution from Awesome to Even More Awesome. Two Cups usually has romantic leanings (for normal ppl), but given the surrounding cards, and how I can’t really see that fitting in with the art-jumpstart, probably not here. But an inner alchemical marriage will suit me just fine :-)

Filed under tarot shadowscapes